What Your Favorite Former Secretary of the Interior Says about Your Favorite Cocktail

 

Thomas Ewing (the first Secretary, 1849-50); gin and tonic

  • “Pedestrian. Like drinking a sheaf of unlined paper.”

Alexander H.H. Stewart (1850-53); Manhattan

  • “A business Venture once demanded I visit the namesake Island in the great Harbor and there I witnessed a most stirring Sermon.”

Orville H. Browning (1866-69); Campari and soda

  • “We did not have this libation during the Black Hawk War.”

Zachariah Chandler (1875-77); dry martini

  • “Fucking tight, son.”

Lucius Q.C. Lamar II (1885-88); Moscow mule

  • “Dear Sirs. I hasten to proclaim that I possess insufficient time to attend to the addressing of such matters. Sincerely, Lucius Q.C. Lamar II, Secretary of the Interior.”

Hubert Work (1923-28); whiskey and soda

  • “Never touch the stuff. To relax, I prefer The Evening News-Courier, a fire in the hearth, and a glass of warm milk with a dash of Sullivan’s Head Ache & Deep Sleeping & All-over Discomforts Tonic.”

Douglas McKay (1953-56); amaretto sour

  • “I got zany on these one weekend on the Oregon coast. I think I made love with a man.”

Thomas S. Kleppe (1975-77); Jägerbomb

  • “I had one of these. It was about two minutes ago. I’d now like to fight or vomit.”

Manuel Lujan, Jr. (1989-93); screwdriver

  • “One part vodka, two parts orange juice, eight hundred fourteen parts go fuck yourself.”

Sally Jewel (2013-2017); old fashioned

  • “I like these after a long day of masturbating to my favorite national parks. Lately what’s been doing it for me is Wrangell-St. Elias. If I’m in a rush I go with the usual: Big Bend.”

Ryan Zinke (2017-present); rum and Coke

  • “Fake drink with a mixer from a failing company. SAD.”