You Wish to Obtain a Parking Permit for Zone 1

Sometimes stuff gets rejected but it still pleases me. This is a funny one, or is supposed to be. So here it is. 

You have indicated that you wish to obtain a parking permit for Zone 1. First, you are required to present a valid driver’s license, in person, at our office located at 200 Washington Street. Listen carefully, as our hours have changed. Our office is now open only on Thursdays in months ending in “-arch.” On occasion, it is necessary to close our office unexpectedly. Consult our website for updates on these closings. Note that the website is available between the hours of 3 a.m. and 3:45 a.m., and is available only in Spanish. Also note that our website is currently down.

Second, we require proof of your automobile’s current registration. Remember to have
your registration certificate notarized. As of the first of this year, note that the person
notarizing your registration certificate must be certified with the State Board of Authorized Notaries. To verify that the notary notarizing your certificate is certified, complete Form 999995.6K&. This form must be notarized. Note that this form is currently unavailable.

Listen carefully to instructions in regard to payment, as these have recently changed. You must make out your check or money order to The Department of Transportation and Parking Enforcement, Regulation, and Taxation: Permitting, Administrative, and [unintelligible]. Note that this department no longer exists. Note that we no longer accept checks. Money orders must be notarized. Note that due to recent budget cuts, staff members handling money orders are currently furloughed and that all applications containing money orders cannot be processed. Money orders must be for exact amounts.

Note also that we have issued the maximum allotted number of parking permits for Zone 1 and that applications are currently closed. If you wish to be added to the waitlist, visit our website. Note that the waitlist is available only to those applicants who have completed forms 100-T, 100-TT, and 100-EZ, available at the public library branch most inconvenient to you. Note that all public libraries are currently permanently temporarily closed.

Finally, note that Zone 1 has been absorbed by Zone 2. If you wish to apply for a Zone 2 permit, hang up and listen to this recording again. Goodbye.